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Fundies Say the Darndest Things! Frequently
Asked Questions Due to the popularity of this webpage, the volume of email I receive is oftentimes overwhelming. This detracts from both the quality of the page and the time it takes to answer unique inquiries. Thus, this FAQ is intended to remedy the situation and address as many of the generic, oft-repeated questions I receive as possible. Index:
A. This is a massive Internet archive containing selected excerpts of many hilarious, ignorant, bigoted, bizarre, and terrifying posts written by fundies on online message boards. A. Fun·die Pronunciation
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It should be noted that one can be religious--even a fundamentalist--but not actually attain the vaunted status of "fundie," which needs that special touch only people fitting stereotypical caricatures can provide. Additionally, religion is technically not even a pre-requisite for this, although blind adherence to its ideologies (and those of politics) is perhaps the #1 source of fundies in the universe. Rigid, arrogant, "know-it-all-and-confidently-force-it-on-everyone-else" authoritarian strains of both amplify the propensity to fundyism, while more moderate, "this-seems-like-a-good-idea-but-might-be-wrong, so-let's-not-be-total-jackasses-about-it" varieties can keep it in check or even undermine it. Q. Why do you hate Christianity/Islam/[insert my belief system here]? A. Hate is far too strong a word. One can 'hate' a sociopathic dictator, or a gruesome new form of water torture, or parasites that cause one's blood to slowly ooze out from their ears. A more appropriate word when speaking of religious matters would be 'dislike'. I don't dislike Christianity or any religion per se; however, like many other theistic belief systems, the more fundamentalist strains have spawned an endless cottage industry of depraved hilarity. From anti-homosexual bigotry to creationism to end-times lunacy, you'll most likely find it mentioned here at one point. I find these things distasteful, irrational and oftentimes dangerous. I further believe that they should be brought to the attention of all, exposed as the sheer nonsense they are, critically analyzed and refuted; all too often, they're allowed to propagate and spread their malicious messages below the radar, slowly gaining political power, subverting the rights of others in the process, and becoming ever more obnoxious in general. This site is intended to make fun of those things, nothing more, nothing less. Many appreciative atheists, agnostics, theists and Christians have written reviews praising the value of pointing out fundamentalist fallacies in a humorous fashion. In addition, since I'm an equal opportunity superstition-basher, you'll occasionally find quotes by Muslim, pagan and other fundies, as well. Should I come across posts from non-theist 'fundies' advocating ideologies like the sterilization of all theists, you'll probably see those here too. Q. Do you make these quotes up or something? A. No. That's why I painstakingly reference an Internet source for every quote. These are actual, living, breathing, otherwise intelligent people of the type you could have living right next door. Scary, eh? Some (of equal mental acumen as some of the more prominent posters in the archive) might argue I'm actually the account holder for the 50 zillion or so posters mentioned on this site...but this is an untenable position. As the number of online personas an individual adopts grows, going so far as to have multiple accounts on the same board, the odds of his getting revealed go up exponentially. Unique posting styles, grammatical/spelling errors, times online, and other clues left without our conscious control are like fingerprints. Every writer makes them, and only a tiny bit of detective work is usually sufficient to uncover a person with but a single alternate ID. Imagine the ease with which hundreds of posters which were actually one could be uncovered! Finally, the time it would take to come up with all this weird crap is simply incompatible with a single person having come up with all of it. Unless that person was God, of course... in which case, checks addressed to "CASH" (my real, divine name) and sent to an address available upon request will ensure your eternal salvation. See also the section on broken links. Q. But surely, no one in this day and age could believe that Satan possessed their computer...? A. Unfortunately, the author is not privy to the thought processes responsible for much of the content of this archive. However, if one doubts that people like this exist, one need only look at some of the names of the websites quoted here. 'PayableOnDeath' and 'RaptureReady'... does one really need to comment further? Q. Wasn't this webpage once named Christians Say the Darndest Things? A. Yes, that was the original name I quickly slapped on my project in lieu of a better one in July of 2002. Nevertheless, I soon realized the error of my ways. Right-wing Christianity is only a symptom of a wide-ranging problem in society: that problem being a lack of critical thinking, propensity to accept the arguments of charismatic firebrands without skeptical review, and emotional need for easy, black-and-white answers to many of the difficult questions facing us daily. As with any group, only a relative minority of Christians are total dullards. In addition, I wanted to include some statements by non-Christian fundies that put even Jerry Falwell's rants in perspective. Finally, including all 'Christians' with some of the bozos quoted here would be a disservice to many of my best friends. By April of 2003, I could no longer, in good conscience, maintain this page under its old name. Q. What's the background story behind FStDT? How'd you get the idea? A. A long time ago on a message board far, far away (the old, OLD PayableOnDeath Warrior Forum), I was struck with the supreme illogicality of certain fundamentalist posts. To make fun of them and point out the flaws in reasoning, I started quoting short excerpts in my signature. This elicited laughter galore from the formidable number of skeptics posting on that board, and a fair number of giggles from the Christians too, prompting me to continue the practice. Signatures, however, were limited to a short phrase or paragraph. And I was loathe to delete such choice comedy gold, material which I could use in a similar manner at other places--or simply read when I was bored for cheap laughs. I began switching in a new quote every day to prevent the dreaded signature-fatigue syndrome, and saving all the previous ones I had used to a text file. I even started doing the same with equally bad posts from other boards I patronized. Eventually, someone unfamiliar with one of those other boards, who had assumed they originated from the POD forum as well, sent me a private message asking which topic I got them from. I explained the situation above, and they suggested I post the file itself, instead of mere samples.... And thus, this website was born. Q. Can I submit a funny quote I saw for inclusion in future updates? A. Sure. Be sure to include these three things:
Submissions from chatrooms, instant message software, email, forum-based private messages, real life conversations, and other sources which can't be referenced will be rejected, as will posts from forums without a URL source. Sorry guys, but ever since I got accused of making some of these up, I no longer include unverifiable statements. Once you've checked that your submission meets these common sense requirements, you may email it to me. Alternatively, if you post at the same forums as I do and prefer not to divulge your address, use the private message function instead. Contributors will be listed in the format [First Name, Last Initial], such as Robert, S., information that you may have listed as the "From" information in your email program. Alternatively, the first part of email addresses (before the @ sign) may also be used. You are strongly advised to specify a desired username/pseudonym/acronym, which makes it easier and better for everyone. Failure to do so may prompt an email requesting additional clarification. Please make sure you familiarize yourself with and accept the meager risks resulting from contributing to the archive, and subsequently getting exposed, before hitting 'Send'. Consent to these will be assumed for any email I receive containing a new submission. See Will I be banned if I contribute a post? Q. My post was quoted, but I'm not a fundie/I was misquoted/I was being sarcastic! How do I have it removed? A. Consarn it! Unfortunately, in a collection of posts this size, the inevitable mistake will creep in from time to time. Drop me a line and I'll straighten it out, remove your post and eventually strangle the appropriate contributor. Q. Is this legal?? What about copyright laws? A. First, let's make one thing clear. Yes, any material a person composes is copyrighted, whether they apply for an official document stating so or not. With that out of the way, Section 107 of the United States Copyright Law, titled 'Limitations on exclusive rights: Fair use', outlines available exceptions to copyright. When trying to determine whether something fits under Fair Use exemptions to reproduction, these criteria are employed:
A cursory review of this website will find that it's in compliance with each of the points above.
Q. Are you liable for damages incurred while reading this archive? A. By reading FStDT!, you disclaim any and all potential damages from being used as pretense for suing me or the webhost(s). These include ruined monitors, job loss due to disruptive laughter, cardiac arrest, conversion to militant atheism, clinical depression, sociopathic tendencies, prosecution for violence toward fundies, and so on and so forth. Nevertheless, while reading this website, the following tips may be helpful in preventing "accidents":
Q. You must be a robot or have no life to amass such a collection! I pity you! A. First off, that's not a question. Second, while it's true that the author has no life and is somewhat of a robot, a steady and rapidly expanding base of contributors has made updating this page a breeze in recent months. Finally, some people collect stamps. I collect hilarious quotes by fundies. To each his own hobby ;) Q. So who are these mysterious 'contributors'? I want to kick their ass. A. As of the last update, persons who've submitted posts, suggested improvements or otherwise contributed to the quality of this archive included, in alphabetical order: Aceldama Don't tell them I sent you. I can no longer take even marginal credit for this archive, as it's now a combined effort of a huge number of people from all worldviews, nationalities and walks of life. Note: if you've contributed but don't see your name listed, contact me and complain loudly while gnashing your teeth. Q. Can I have more information on some of these contributors? A. No, all information about contributors (email addresses, real life names, which posts they submitted, which forums they post at, etc.) is kept in the strictest confidence and soon deleted. This is a precaution intended to protect their anonymity by default. You should have little trouble figuring out the online identities of those who choose to make it public, and those that don't should be given their right to privacy. Q. Will I be banned if I contribute a post? A. Probably not, at least immediately. Even the fundiest of boards generally won't consider this reason enough, in and of itself, to deactivate your posting privileges. However, even though many of them will refrain from banning you outright, your posts might be marked for closer observation ("That one's a troublemaker!") in the private administrative area. Subsequently, even the tiniest infraction of some obscure technicality of a board rule that everyone commits and no one cares about might present sufficient excuse. Hypothetically, this could also occur if you simply endorse the humor on this website by linking it. People have wound up on fundie-mod-from-hell hit lists for less. Of course, this danger only exists if it's discovered, which is why pseudonyms or acronyms are strongly advised in lieu of the actual username you post with. Alternatively, you might be posting at a board where, quite literally, no one (including the administrators) gives a rat's patootie. Or be posting under a username so common and unspecific (like "Bob") that a lot of reasonable doubt will surround any positive ID. Or consider the possible repercussions negligible. Or simply not care. Of course, all information you provide, aside from the contributor name you choose, is kept secret. This includes which posts you submitted, the reasons you found them worthy of inclusion, real life names, usernames on other boards, and so on. See Can I have more information on some of these contributors? Regardless of the circumstances, all contributions are made at your own risk. Neither I nor the other contributors or web hosts involved in FStDT!'s creation or maintenance will bear any responsibility for flame wars, bannings, broken friendships, loss of employment, sexual dysfunction, deportation, imprisonment as an 'enemy combatant' at Guantanamo Bay, stalkings, chloroform-assisted kidnappings or cloak-and-dagger assassinations resulting from contribution to this archive. See also Can I submit a funny quote I saw for inclusion in future updates? Q. Are there other archives of ridiculous fundie comments on the web? A. Ye dear Cthulhu, have mercy... someone actually wants to read more of this stuff after exhausting the thousands of posts here! Very well, I'll answer the question. Yes, there are sites similar to this one--quite a few, in fact. However, they often have subtle differences from FStDT!, making them a unique resource all their own. Here are a few of the more noteworthy quote projects I've encountered:
If you know of any other websites with similar content that should be listed here, please inform me. Free contributor listings will be handed out with glee. Disclaimer: The administrator of FStDT! will bear no responsibility for any side effects whatsoever incurred as a result of reading the preceding webpages, up to and including insanity, damage to computer hardware, spontaneous combustion and cranial implosion. Click at your own risk. Q. I tried clicking a link to the original post, but it was broken! What gives? A. Unfortunately, the Internet is a huge place. And in a collection of information this large, much of it stored on dynamic resources like message boards, a lot of it is going to be lost with the shifting sand dunes of time. Many boards whose mind-blowing patrons have been featured in past issues have changed domain names, pruned their database of old topics, or are simply no longer around. And yes, this means that much of the older FStDT! archive is no longer independently verifiable. But given that the links in the newer editions are almost completely intact, and contain no less absurd material, it won't be hard to accept that I didn't go to the trouble of making up 50 million different posters with bizarre ideas, unique writing styles, and characteristic English errors. See also Do you make these quotes up or something? Q. Can I mention this site on my favorite web boards/websites? A. Sure, go right ahead! Just use common sense, and be careful you adhere to board and website host rules. To make it easier, just copy and paste the appropriate code to reproduce the link "Fundies Say the Darndest Things!"
You may wish to add a comment or two of your own for increased flair and sexual excitement. However, be careful of doing so in a way which can reveal your identity as a contributor on predominantly fundie boards which you patronize. See Will I be banned if I contribute a post? A. And I'll be thinking for you. Q. My question isn't found here. A. Well, thanks for reading the FAQ all the way thru; now you may feel guilt-free when emailing me. Q. So just what is your email address, then? A. You may contact me by clicking this link, which will open an email client window with the subject conveniently filled out.
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